Breaking Free From the Confession Cycle
We see it all the time. Patients who are committed, motivated, and fully on board with the science behind what we do. They understand that real weight loss isn’t about simply eating less—it’s about mending what’s broken: insulin resistance, cortisol dysregulation, and metabolic dysfunction. They embrace the principles, identify as healthy eaters, and genuinely want to succeed.
And yet, they’re stuck.
They come in, frustrated. “I don’t understand why the scale isn’t moving – I’ve been doing everything right.” But then the confessions start. “Well, except for Super Bowl weekend. And then Valentine’s Day. And then my kid came home from college. And work was crazy, so I didn’t have time to meal prep, and my husband made pizza, and I didn’t want to be rude by telling him I shouldn’t eat it.”
It’s a pattern we call Confession Mode – and it’s one of the biggest obstacles to long-term success.
When we’re in Confession Mode, we feel like we’re following the plan because we identify with it. We believe we are healthy eaters. But our brains don’t naturally track deviations – we focus on the on-plan days and justify the off-plan ones as rare exceptions. The problem? Those “one-offs” add up. Eating well 70% of the time and deviating 30% is not a viable solution for weight loss. It may have been when we were twenty and metabolically much more resilient, but for most grownups – especially those of us who have struggled with weight for a long time – during treatment, we need to be on-plan at least 90% of the time. Once we get to maintenance of weight loss, we need to be on-plan around 80% of the time.
This isn’t about guilt or shame – it’s about awareness. The goal isn’t to confess and seek absolution. It’s to recognize the pattern, take control, and close the gap between what we think we’re doing and what’s actually happening.
The Biggest Objection: “But I Don’t Want to Give Up Birthday Cake”
Whenever we bring this up, the immediate mental pushback is almost universal: “So, are you saying I can never have birthday cake on my birthday? Or pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving?”
No. That’s not what we’re saying at all.
The problem isn’t the one slice of cake on your birthday. It’s when that “one slice” turns into three days of leftovers. It’s when Thanksgiving dinner morphs into Thanksgiving weekend. It’s when “Pumpkin Spice Season” starts in September and runs through New Year’s.
This is why we talk about Champagne Moments – planned, intentional indulgences that are worth it. Just like we don’t pop bottles of champagne every night with dinner, we shouldn’t be indulging in highly processed, insulin-spiking foods on a regular basis and expecting to see progress.
Seeking Absolution: The Emotional Toll of Justification
Another common pattern we see with Confession Mode is the search for absolution—as though, if the reason for deviating is “good enough,” it won’t count. Patients will walk us through a carefully curated list of justifications, almost as if we have the power to declare the slip-ups null and void.
Here’s the reality: We don’t. No one does. Our bodies don’t care why we went off-plan—they only respond to what we actually consume.
Beyond that, this puts an unfair emotional burden on both the patient and us as clinicians. When we spend entire visits dissecting why things didn’t go as planned – rather than focusing on how to move forward—it shifts the responsibility of progress from the patient to the provider. The truth is, we aren’t here to grant absolution. We’re here to provide the tools, education, and support necessary to help our patients succeed.
The more time we spend trying to justify past choices, the less time we have to strategize for future success. Instead of asking, “Was my reason good enough?” a more helpful question might be, “What can I learn from this, and how do I adjust moving forward?”
Understand. Apply. Change.
1️⃣ Understand
- Off-plan eating isn’t bad. It’s just a choice that has consequences.
- Consistency matters more than perfection. A few indulgent meals won’t derail progress – but letting those moments spiral into days or weeks will.
- Your brain will remember the identity of being a healthy eater but forget the execution gaps. Track what you eat (yes, even the unplanned indulgences) to see reality.
2️⃣ Apply
- Use the Champagne Moments strategy: Pick your true celebrations – the ones you’d post on social media with a champagne toast – and stick to those.
- Plan ahead. Decide which moments are worth it and which ones are just mindless habits.
- Keep indulgences to the meal, not the whole day. Have the cake, enjoy it, and move on.
3️⃣ Change
- Shift the mindset. You’re not giving up anything – you’re gaining control over your health.
- Find non-food ways to celebrate. The joy of a birthday party doesn’t come from the cake.
- If you go off-plan unexpectedly, swap it for one of your planned Champagne Moments. Would you trade your son’s birthday cake for a random gas station cookie? Probably not.
This is about making sure our choices align with our goals. Not just believing we are healthy eaters, but actually living that way—most of the time.
No confessions needed.
No absolution required.
Just progress.